Thoughts about commitment

August 28, 2017

When we marry, we usually mean that we are making a commitment to our partner.  I wonder how many of us think carefully about what that means?  We all have good intentions, and know that it is a fundamental part of getting married.  People who do not go through legal marriage often also make commitments to each other.

 

There are many definitions of commitment. Here’s one.

 

‘A committed relationship is an interpersonal relationship based upon a mutually agreed-upon-commitment to one another involving love, trust, honesty, openness, or some other agreed-upon behaviour.  Forms of committed relationships are: Close friendship, courtship, long-term relationships, engagement, marriage, and civil unions.’

 

In the case of a marriage, we are making a legal commitment as well as an emotional and moral one.  There is another aspect of commitment though that I think is very important in a marriage, and especially so now when marriages are no guarantee that we will stay together for ever.

 

The commitment I am talking about is that of friends and family to the couple.  At the same time as we are inviting guests to witness the commitment of bride and groom to each other, we are also asking them to commit to supporting and helping the couple and their family through the difficult patches.

 

Here is a poem that expresses the essence of commitment.

 

Commitment is what

transforms the promise into reality.

It is the words that speak

Boldly of your intentions.

And the actions which speak

Louder than the words.

It is making the time

When there is none.

Coming through time

After time after time,

Year after year after year.

Commitment is the stuff

Character is made of,

The power to change the face of things.

It is the daily triumph of integrity over scepticism.

(By Ashbash)

 

I believe that commitment is perhaps the most important aspect of marriage.  When sex is stale, when the romance seems to have died, it is commitment that will help us to seek to re-cover the things that brought us together.  It may not work, but it is a strong vehicle for doing our best.

 

See this article for another discussion of commitment:

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/shift-mind/200910/what-do-we-mean-commitment

 

 

Funerals

August 13, 2017

To be asked to conduct a funeral is one of the greatest honours I know.  I am entrusted to take the family through a sad and often difficult time, and to enable them to farewell their loved one in a way that is deeply satisfying for them.

 

I have conducted funerals for three very close friends. That is not easy, but it is the last and best thing I can do for them and their families.  When I do a funeral for someone I have not met, the challenge for me is to get to know th...


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Before the wedding

August 12, 2017

Pre-wedding challenges

 

So you have decided to get married. That in itself is big – a decision that is no longer necessary in order to live together and have children.  Thousands of couples no longer tie the legal knot.  So congratulations on your decision!

 

Now there is a wedding to plan. Did you realise just how much was involved? Perhaps not.  I am watching my daughter and her fiancé prepare for their big day and I am marvelling at how well they are managing.  It ...


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More about me

August 9, 2017
I have been a celebrant for a wide range of weddings. I have done weddings on the beach, in a river bed, in country gardens, and in homes and traditional venues.  They are all fun and serious at the same time. 

The most important thing for me is that I get it right for the people involved.  That means getting the right balance of fun, celebration, and seriousness that works for the couple.

My knowledge about family differences means that I am sensitive to difficult family circumstances. These c...
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